Book report--Fierce Conversations
I just finished a good book, Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott. It was recommended by Gale Mote (galemoteassociates.com) who is a great trainer/motivator for managers and teams.
The book shares ways to effectively and painlessly (or at least pain-minimizing) have th tough conversation that you might be dreading or avoiding at work or at home. It’s definitely a book that I’d like to spend more time with—kind of a resource, study-necessary book as opposed to a read-and-move-on book.
The Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations are:
1. Master the courage to interrogate reality. Things change constantly, and the external and internal conditions need to be monitored constantly.
2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. Unreal conversations are expensive.
3. Be here, prepared to be nowhere else. We’re a multi-tasking, society that highly values DOING things. Take time to be in the moment, listening and thinking about the conversation you’re involved in right now—and nothing else. Just be.
4. Tackle your toughest challenge today. I love this one. Scott says that stress isn’t from solving problems—it’s from trying to solve the same one over and over. Identify the problem and confront the true obstacles between you and freedom from the issue.
5. Obey your instincts. Your mind is incredibly powerful and it sends you information constantly. Pay attention.
6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake. This one is also pure gold, so I’ll quote the book exactly. “For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something you don’t remember saying could have a devastating impact on someone who looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction and compassion.” We’ve all been around people who walk in, dump a load of orders, judgments and general grumpiness, then walk out. And we’ve all felt the exhaustion and frustration it leaves behind. (And I'm sure most of us can admit that we've inflicted our wake on others.) This is another great one for home and work.
7. Let silence do the heavy lifting. Especially effective with kids. Don’t push them to share. Wait and it will bubble up naturally. Ask a question and wait patiently. After someone says something heavy, tell them you’d like to take a minute to consider it. There’s nothing wrong with a little rest in the middle of a conversation. It’s like music—the silence is a valuable part of it. This one is also applicable for ads. A little silence, a slower pace is appreciated by the person you're trying to persuade, as opposed to the verbal fire hose that some ads can be when we try to include everything all at once.
The book shares ways to effectively and painlessly (or at least pain-minimizing) have th tough conversation that you might be dreading or avoiding at work or at home. It’s definitely a book that I’d like to spend more time with—kind of a resource, study-necessary book as opposed to a read-and-move-on book.
The Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations are:
1. Master the courage to interrogate reality. Things change constantly, and the external and internal conditions need to be monitored constantly.
2. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. Unreal conversations are expensive.
3. Be here, prepared to be nowhere else. We’re a multi-tasking, society that highly values DOING things. Take time to be in the moment, listening and thinking about the conversation you’re involved in right now—and nothing else. Just be.
4. Tackle your toughest challenge today. I love this one. Scott says that stress isn’t from solving problems—it’s from trying to solve the same one over and over. Identify the problem and confront the true obstacles between you and freedom from the issue.
5. Obey your instincts. Your mind is incredibly powerful and it sends you information constantly. Pay attention.
6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake. This one is also pure gold, so I’ll quote the book exactly. “For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something you don’t remember saying could have a devastating impact on someone who looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction and compassion.” We’ve all been around people who walk in, dump a load of orders, judgments and general grumpiness, then walk out. And we’ve all felt the exhaustion and frustration it leaves behind. (And I'm sure most of us can admit that we've inflicted our wake on others.) This is another great one for home and work.
7. Let silence do the heavy lifting. Especially effective with kids. Don’t push them to share. Wait and it will bubble up naturally. Ask a question and wait patiently. After someone says something heavy, tell them you’d like to take a minute to consider it. There’s nothing wrong with a little rest in the middle of a conversation. It’s like music—the silence is a valuable part of it. This one is also applicable for ads. A little silence, a slower pace is appreciated by the person you're trying to persuade, as opposed to the verbal fire hose that some ads can be when we try to include everything all at once.
posted by Julie @ 8:01 PM
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