Selling magazines 101

This weekend, the baby, the dog and the husband were all napping and I was considering joining them when the doorbell rang. Oh, what sadness that brought. The dog turns into a furious barking machine, the baby cries, the husband falls down trying to get between dog/baby/door—then he starts barking too, since he has had surgery on both knees and falling down on them is bad.

I look out the sidelight to see a high school age young woman smiling and waving. She continues to smile and wave while I cross baby/dog/broken husband to get to the door.
My recollection of the conversation follows:

Her: Hi! I’m _______ (handshake). Chris and Kevin from next door sent me over. I’m in a contest working on public speaking, and I really want to win. Can you help me? I just need you to jump up and down on one leg for me.
Me: Um….
Her: Okay…All you have to do is sing your favorite country song for me. Okay…go!
Me: (blank stare) We were all sleeping….
Her: Chris and Kevin said you’d want to help. They’ve been a big help already. What’s your name?
Me: Julie
Her: I’m trying to learn skills that I can use as I get into the workforce, like how to network and meet people. Nice to meet you, Julie. I just graduated from HS in Washington state. What do you do for a living?
Me: I sell radio advertising.
Her: That’s great. Sounds like a lot of fun. Well, we’re using a point system, and to get points, I sign people up for magazines. I’m trying to win $1000 prize and a trip to Italy. (Hands me the card with magazines and points, no prices listed.) I really want to win!

The conversation continues, with me trying to figure out how to close the door and her trying to close the deal. Eventually, she worms her way onto my sofa. I’m ready to buy Bon Appetit just to get rid of her. She promises to put a sticker on my door that tells the other kids to stay away. Then she hands me the order form to sign. It’s $64. For a magazine. Not for someone to come to your house and cook dinner. Not for a lifetime subscription. Just the “handling charge” was $12.

Okay, this slightly sleepy mama will not finance your trip to Italy. I don’t care that you get $1000. I don’t care that you want to win. Here's some trivia--most of us in Iowa haven't been to Italy and don't consider it a worthy goal. I don’t care that you may have been kidnapped by strange capitalists who make you walk the streets of Fairfax, Iowa trying to perpetrate a scam on those backwards, slow-talking Midwestern suckers. You’ve woken my family and interrupted my life. You’ve tried to make me look/feel stupid with the singing/jumping routine. You’re obviously highly trained. You know what to say, how to act and keep up the routine. You inappropriately used my neighbors' names for your advantage. There was no reason for me to buy. It was all about you, sister, and for that, you have to get out of my house. See ya.

If I ever acted like that to any of my clients, I would expect to be thrown out. How are your salespeople trained? Whose interest is foremost in their minds? I’m glad most of us detassled for summer jobs instead of tried to learn selling skills on the streets!